Why I Like “Intentions” Better Than “Goals or Resolutions”

It’s that time of year again, the time of resolutions and new goals. You know how it goes. You’re all excited for that big new goal and you get going right away in the new year. And then, in about 3 days, you give up. Some of you might last longer than that, but my guess is that very few new year resolutions actually come all the way true. 

The problem is with how they’re created.

Often, we make new year’s resolutions out of some sort of disappointment in ourselves, not feeling like enough, or from a place of lack.

For example, how many people can you name right now who every year set a weight loss goal? They feel bad that they’ve either gained weight or haven’t yet lost previously gained weight, so THIS IS THEIR YEAR! 

Can you see already how setting a goal from a place of shame, disappointment, or struggle might not be optimal? 

And, I would add that most of the time when people come to see me in my clinic to help them with their new year’s resolution, the goal is often WAY too big to actually be able to attain. 

This is why I like the word intention better.

The dictionary definition of intend is to, “have a course of action as one’s purpose or objective; plan”. So, an intention is, “a thing intended, an aim or plan”. 

Did you know that in medicine intention means, “the healing process of a wound”?

Intention works so much better because often underneath our new year’s resolution is some sort of healing that needs to take place. 

If we look at what we intend to create in our lives and we’re willing to see that some sort of healing might need to take place to get it, doesn’t that seem like a better way to go about it?

After working with thousands of women (and many men, too!), I see how much healing needs to take place when it comes to acceptance of ourselves and particularly of our bodies. 

When we set a goal about weight, go on a popular diet, or restrict our eating without intention (and healing), it’s no wonder we can’t reach that goal. 

What if…

What if you gained weight because of stress, but you’re not doing anything to reduce stress or support your body in it’s ability to manage stress more efficiently? Do you think boot camp exercises or a highly restrictive diet are going to aid your body in this process? You’re very likely going to make things worse or hurt yourself deeply. 

What if you love sugar because you were rewarded with sugar whenever you were a “good girl” or every time you had fun with your family? Of course, you want sugar. Cut yourself some slack. Maybe your intention is to find new ways to reward yourself when you’re celebrating or for having fun, instead of eating sugar. Fulfilling your deep inner need will bring you much more joy than sugar, but sugar works too, so be sweet to you. 

What if you’ve gained weight because of an underlying health issue and you’re refusing to go in and get checked out. Maybe it’s not as complicated as you believe it might be? Maybe there are some simple shifts you can make in your life to overcome this? You won’t know unless you find out. 

What if you gained weight because it’s the natural course for your body? What if your body is beautiful just like it is? The deeper healing here is acceptance of her for who she is.

It always happens this time of year and this year, I want you to hear: 

You are beautiful. If your body is not feeling optimal for whatever reason, come in and see me or see someone else, just get support. 

And, as you set your intentions for the new year, I hope you’ll set ones that work FOR you and not AGAINST you and that you’ll be willing to look for the healing underneath.

Want help?

If you’re in Oregon, schedule a consultation with me here.

Read New Year’s Musings Part 2: Writing Your Intentions

The holidays are a notorious time for overextending, overcommitting, and overspending. This year is obviously a little different, yet I’m hearing some common themes in my patients.

I’m here today to tell you that it’s OKAY to NOT do any of that and to take care of you instead! 

Here are 3 ways you can practice self-care during the holidays that aren’t your typical self-care recommendations:

1. Say “no”.

You know what happens. You’re on the phone with someone you love and they ask you to do something you don’t really want to do and you say “yes” out of guilt or obligation.

Later, you beat yourself up for committing, your partner is irritated, and the whole thing becomes a really big deal.

Just say “no”! When you feel it’s a “no” in your body, speak your truth.

You’ll save yourself and your family a bunch of grief, and you won’t overextend yourself with things you don’t really want to be doing.

2. Don’t Do Things Unless They Bring you joy.

Holidays are full of traditions. Many of them are really wonderful and bring us a great deal of joy. Others we do for different reasons: maybe we do them because we “always” do them, maybe we do them because other people do them for us, or maybe we do them because we feel we “have to”?

Whatever the reason, maybe it’s okay to NOT do a few things?

For example, we decided not to put up a live Christmas tree this year. Normally, this brings me joy, but this year, it was feeling like a lot of extra work. We would have to go out in the dark some evening after work when it will likely be raining, put the thing up, add the lights, get out all the ornaments, and then do it all in reverse. (I talked about this Live on my weekly Wellness Wednesdays at Noon video on Facebook. You can watch it here.)

I simply don’t want to do it this year, so we aren’t. And, I felt a huge wave of relief when we made that decision.

Maybe for you, it’s something else like sending out holiday cards, or making cookies, or going to someone’s house who isn’t being safe with COVID, or ???

Whatever it is, I give you full permission to simply decide not to do it.

3. Don’t overspend.

It’s tempting during the holidays to try to make it “perfect”. This can include spending beyond your means. Try not to spend so much that you have to repay yourself well into the new year.

If funds are tight, start new traditions, buy gently used items, ask friends if they have any hand-me-downs that would be appropriate for your family. Little kids, especially don’t care if something is brand new.

And, buying or receiving used items is better for the planet.

Make a budget and stick to it and think of it as self-care rather than feeling deprived or disappointed.

Of course, you can do other self-care things like taking a salts bath, doing some deep breathing, or even a short break with a nice cup of tea.

I’ve learned over the years that those things are nice and it’s the deeper level of self-care like the suggestions above that make a longer lasting difference.

Happy Holidays to you and yours!

Do you have other tips like these? Please post them in the comments below.

It’s that time of year again when we get to take a pause and remember everything we’re grateful for. There are so many great gratitude practices out there. The one that works best for me has three parts. I actually try to do this practice several times a week and not just around the Thanksgiving holiday.

You can say your gratitudes out loud or write them down.

The main key to getting the most out of any gratitude practice is the feeling behind it. Anyone can say the words. To get the most benefit, you want to take the time to breathe and feel all the feelings about the things you say or write.

Research on gratitude shows that a regular gratitude practice can literally make you happier, improve your health in general, and improve brain function.

Here’s my 3-part practice:

Part 1: Challenges gratitude

The first part of gratitude is for the challenges in your life. Yep. That’s right. Think of anything that’s felt hard or brought you strife and be thankful for it.

What did you learn? Did it change something else in your life for the better? What benefits did the challenge bring?

For example, the pause that happened with the first stay-at-home order allowed me the space to realize that I wanted to do primary care integrative medicine again. I started the insurance credentialing process while I had a break from my regular schedule. I’m so grateful I had that time. 

Part 2: Current gratitude

This part is the most commonly know form of gratitude.

What are you thankful for in your life right now?

Think of everything you can, including physical items, your home, the people in your life, money, etc.

If you’re having a hard time right now, your gratitude might be as simple as the shoes on your feet or the roof over your head. It’s okay if it’s simple. Remember, it’s the feeling that counts.

Part 3: future gratitude

This one is the most fun! 

Be grateful for everything in your life you’re wanting to come to you, as if it’s already here. 

For example, if you want a new position at your job, you say, “Thank you for this new position”, and then allow yourself to feel everything you’ll feel on the day you get it. 

And that’s it!

I challenge you to try this practice every day for two weeks and see what happens.

And then, of course, let me know.

Integrative Medicine includes mind-body practices like these. When we connect the dots between body, mind, and spirit, true and sustained healing is possible. If you’re in Oregon, come on in and see me in my clinic. 

Happy Thanksgiving! I’m so grateful to you for reading this post.

Have a favorite gratitude practice? Please post it below!