by Jen Owen, N.P. | Sep 12, 2024 | Mind-Body Medicine
A few weeks ago, I spent the weekend with a dear friend who is battling cancer for the second time. The days following a chemotherapy treatment can be daunting for her – physically, emotionally, and mentally – and my friend has no problem asking for support. Our time together highlighted the importance of boundaries, the lines and limits we create for ourselves so that we can function well in relationships with others. With my friend, for example, I knew it would not go well if I told her to do something, no matter how essential it was for her at that moment. How do you feel about the boundaries in your current relationships?
There are many types of boundaries including physical, emotional, relational, sexual, intellectual, time, financial, spiritual, and material boundaries. The limits we set are defined by multiple factors including our experiences as we grow up in our families. To narrow this topic a bit for today, let’s consider your relationships with a friend or family member.
Ask yourself these questions:
- What do I value in a relationship?
- What behaviors bother me?
- What qualities do I admire in others?
- How do I like to spend my time? What makes me feel fulfilled?
- How much time do I like to spend with others? What do I currently have time for now in my friendships?
- How easy is it for me to say no? To say yes?
Setting a boundary with someone can be difficult. Our boundaries may be too rigid (picture a wall without any doors and no access to others), too porous (the wall and door are there, but others can come and go as they please) or collapsed (no walls at all). When we find it difficult to set a limit, typically we’re afraid of something. We may fear . . .
We may fear . . .
- losing the love or approval of another person.
- the other’s anger.
- loneliness
- guilty feelings, feeling like a bad person when we say no.
- hurting the feelings of others.
How do you strengthen your boundaries? One step might be to explore your own boundaries in a specific relationship. Be curious and notice how you interact with that person. You might want to identify an area to practice setting healthier boundaries, limits that look much more like a wall with a door that you use to invite people in and out. The goal? For both of you to feel safe, seen and loved.
If boundaries in relationships are challenging for you, another step may involve seeking the support of another person, including a counselor. In my practice, I collaborate with clients to change their boundaries through experiential therapy that includes experiments where we explore the body’s role in boundary setting. If you’re interested in working with me, click below.
by Jen Owen, N.P. | Aug 22, 2024 | Mind-Body Medicine, Uncategorized
Written by our Licensed Professional Counselor, Jody Cecil
If you’re new to the process of counseling, you might imagine it looking something like this: the client does most of the talking while the therapist listens. During the session, the therapist might provide insights into your experiences, share advice on how to navigate issues and help you feel and express emotion. Even as you read this, you might recall a scene from a movie or book you’ve recently read.
Counseling or psychotherapy does involve our thoughts, beliefs, behaviors and emotions. But what about the body?
Will you join me in a little experiment? For just a moment, pause. Put everything down and turn your attention to your body. Slow down and notice your breath. Follow it as you breathe in and out. You don’t have to change it or fix it. Simply be curious, much like watching the flow of a river or clouds in the sky. What did you notice? Perhaps you’ve found yourself caught in thoughts, unable to follow your breath. Maybe your chest tightened, and your breathing became more shallow. Perhaps, as you were breathing in and out, you noticed your shoulders drop and there was an openness in your chest.
When I first began my work as a counselor, my focus was primarily on the narrative – what the client was saying and feeling. What I eventually learned was that I was missing a large part of the client’s “story” and an important pathway for change, healing and growth. The body was telling us something; we needed to slow down and pay attention to it.
Sensorimotor Psychotherapy (SP), developed by Pat Ogden, is a therapeutic modality that incorporates the body in the treatment of trauma and attachment/relational issues. You may have heard the phrase, “the body keeps the score,” taken from the title of Bessel Van Der Kolk’s well-known book. Our bodies remember and adapt to keep us safe. Returning to our breathing experiment, even how we breathe is a part of our story. If you learned to “hold it all in” and not feel emotion, you might also hold your breath when feeling distress. Using SP, clients can discover how their body currently functions and work with it to change patterns that currently interfere with health and well-being.
by Jen Owen, N.P. | Aug 1, 2024 | Mind-Body Medicine
Written by our Licensed Professional Counselor, Jody L. Cecil
As I continue to enjoy the summer season, I’ve spent a fair amount of time tending to the flowers planted in the yard of our home. New to Oregon, I’m learning about each plant’s needs and growing seasons. Water, sunshine, and fertilizer all matter. And then there’s deadheading.
For those who might be new to gardening and flower care (like me!), deadheading is the process of removing the old blossoms and seed heads from the plant. While it’s not always necessary, many flowering plants need it. With the dead blossoms gone, the plant directs its energy into growth and more flowers. If I’m being honest, I often find the task of deadheading quite tedious. The flowers I have seem beautiful enough, right?
Surrounded by daisies, I recently paused and saw the process of deadheading through the eyes of a growing and healing human being. Caring for ourselves requires a type of pruning at times, doesn’t it? Long-lasting change often occurs when we accept the invitation to “prune”, to explore old wounds and survival strategies that may no longer be serving us. Growth must be stimulated, and much like a plant, our brains have the ability to change and rewire themselves. Our energy can be redirected to create even more beauty.
As a member of the Flourish team, I’d be honored to walk with you on your personal journey of healing and growth. If you feel counseling might be helpful, please contact me. Together, we’ll collaborate on a plan that invites more beauty and hope into your life.
by Jen Owen, N.P. | Jul 25, 2024 | Mind-Body Medicine
Shared by our Founder & Nurse Practitioner, Jen Owen, N.P.
In February 2024, I finished a yearlong coaching program with the Hendricks Institute to become a Big Leap Coach. One of the main areas of exploration was Body Intelligence, how we have innate wisdom within our bodies and how we can unlock and unblock this wisdom.
One of the main ways our body wisdom is blocked is by fear.
Fear, even in small doses, can get locked in the cells of our bodies causing anxiety, insomnia, depression, worry, stress, etc. We get stuck in fight-or-flight. Read the details about what it means to be in fight-or-flight here.
Through the Hendricks, I learned an easy and effective way to release fear called the Fear Melters.
You may know that I’ve had a particular challenging year so far in 2024. Without doing the Fear Melters every day, I’m not sure where I’d be.
There are four ways that fear shows itself: fight, flight (flee), freeze, or faint.
All of these are accompanied by shorter and shallower breath. We cannot be talked out of fear. Fear is a physiological response and can only be melted with breath, movement and love. There are specific movements that can be applied as an antidote to each type of fear.
FIGHT
Is often confused with anger. Your body weight moves forward, arms get tight, hands may form into fists, talking is faster and louder. You are ready to fight.
To combat FIGHT: OOZE your body
Begin to move slowly as if you are warm chocolate oozing off a spoon. Ooze your arms, shoulders, and hips and even your jaw; slow your words down and change your tone of voice.
FLEE
Part or all of you leaves the vicinity. Can be accompanied by a nervous laugh or eyes glazing over. You may flee by using drugs, alcohol, technology, or food. You’re not present in the moment.
To combat FLEE or FLIGHT: ROOT your body
Widen your stance and bend your knees a little or a lot. Let your toes spread out as you imagine beautiful roots extending from your feet into the nourishment of the earth. Imagine the earth’s energy infusing you with aliveness here and now. Learn more about rooting (grounding) here.
FREEZE
Your body becomes stiff and tight and you might have a nervous smile. Your thoughts may go round and round in your mind. You are frozen in place.
To combat FREEZE: WIGGLE your body
Begin to wiggle your fingers and toes, eventually wiggle your hips and shoulders; to unfreeze you will eventually need to wiggle your core. Literally “shake it off”.
FAINT
Your thinking becomes foggy and confused. You may feel drained or sleepy with your jaw hanging open. You may feel “stupid” and not like yourself.
To combat FAINT: give yourself LOVE SCOOPS
Reach your arms out around you as if you are gathering energy and love towards you. Bring your hands towards you, touching your head, chest, belly or wherever love is needed.
Often, you will be experiencing a combination of fears. Do the one(s) that feel(s) best in the moment. I find that the right Fear Melter feels very good in my body.
For prevention, do the Fear Melters for at least 2 minutes every day and do them more often during times of high stress. While my dad was dying and tensions were high, I practiced the WIGGLE move many times a day.
If you need help, let me know at an appointment and I’ll walk you through them. You can learn about the Fear Melters from my teacher, Katie Hendricks, in this video.
Please report back about your experiences with these helpful and easy tools as you shift from FEAR to FLOW.
by Jen Owen, N.P. | Aug 19, 2022 | Mind-Body Medicine
In the summer of 2021, I had been contemplating a way to bring together all of my knowledge and gifts in a way that I could help more people. I love being a healthcare provider, and what I love the most are the times when I get to help someone overcome whatever is holding them back. This might be a belief about themselves, an old thought pattern, judgement they’re putting on themselves, or a myriad of other blocks to feeling and living their best. Usually, the solution isn’t that complicated and when these blocks shift, life changes for good.
I set an intention to be shown how I could package deep transformations in a way that was accessible, affordable, and maybe even fun! I wanted to be able to present new ways of thinking and being in a way that was easy to learn and implement, while being able to offer personal support along the way. One day, after a long meditation, I understood exactly how to do this and my online program for women, The Flourish Way™ Experience was born.
This program has blown my mind. The members have shown up fully to do the work and support one another, and the transformations have been profound! One member realized her life purpose and is now starting her own business, while another got a promotion at her job. Several members report better communication in their relationships and more satisfying sex lives. Two members have overcome long-term anxiety and feel more secure knowing they have tools to handle it if it returns. Others report feeling more connected to themselves. They take more time for rest and self-care without feeling guilty. I could go on and on.
During these past few years with the pandemic, political unrest, and a general uncertainty for what the future holds, I’ve seen stress levels higher than ever before. Now more than ever, we need regular support. We need stress reduction techniques beyond yoga and chamomile tea. We need to understand ourselves, our reactions to all the noise, and how we can effectively live our best lives despite the chaos. This is what the program is all about.
If you’re not feeling happy and you feel like you “should” be happy, if you know your relationship and the intimacy with your partner could be more optimal, if you feel like you’re being constantly affected by the events of the world or the people in your life, if you feel like you just know there’s more for you….then The Flourish Way™ Experience program is for you.
This is a 12-week program where you’ll learn how to unwind and unlearn from all the stress and the patterns you’ve adapted to over the years. You’ll restore and replenish your energy, your vitality, and your connection with yourself. And finally, you’ll expand and emerge into a more full, satisfied, and aligned version of yourself. I knew these things would happen when we started and now after coaching the women in the group for a full year, I’ve seen it all come to fruition.
Registration is now open for the fall cohort of new members. The program will open for you on September 4 with our first online Zoom session on September 11. I will be limiting the number of participants, so if you know you’re ready to do things a new way in your life, please register soon. A substantial “early bird” discount is available until August 22.
Please reach out if we can answer any questions for you, otherwise, I look forward to being your guide.
Learn more and reserve your spot here.
~Jen Owen, N.P.
P.S Because we use my pelvic bowl healing techniques as one of the foundations of our work in the program, The Flourish Way™ Experience is open only to those born with female anatomy.
by Jen Owen, N.P. | Feb 17, 2022 | Mind-Body Medicine
It’s so easy to change yourself to fit the needs of others or to be who you think others want you to be. It’s kind of like being a chameleon.
Chameleons change their color to blend in with their habitats. They adapt to the climate around them to be undetected, fit in, and be more comfortable.
Humans do this, too.
How often have you participated in activities to fit in? For example, do you drink alcohol or eat sugar because “everybody’s doing it”?
Have you held your tongue and not spoken your truth for fear of upsetting others? This is happening so much in today’s political and social climates.
Do you stay in a job or avoid pursuing your dreams because it’s the “safe” thing to do?
When you act like a chameleon, you forget who YOU really are.
You lose touch with your own hopes, dreams, and wants for YOUR life.
You keep changing yourself over and over and over, and pretty soon, you forget what color YOU are.
One of the best tools I know for reconnecting with yourself is journaling.
Find a quiet moment and take some deep breaths.
Ask yourself these questions:
What do I really want?
Who do I really want to be?
What goals do I have that I’m not currently pursuing?
Where am I not speaking my truth?
Let the answers flow out onto the paper and write and write until it feels complete.
Then, take the main points and gather them into a few sentences.
Read these sentences out loud to yourself morning and night.
Please come back and share your story with me in the comments below or shot me an email.
What is your true color?
How does it feel when you return fully and completely to letting that color shine???
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