Written by Jody Cecil, our Licensed Professional Counselor at the Flourish Center

Image by Freepik

 

Felt any big emotions lately? Given all that’s going on in our personal lives, communities and world, we’re all experiencing feelings that may overwhelm us at times. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a type of counseling that helps people cope with intense emotions, improve relationships, and reduce impulsive reactions. In DBT, “emotion regulation” skills are tools for understanding what you feel, lowering the chances of getting emotionally overwhelmed, and choosing responses that move you toward your goals – even when your feelings are strong.

Before diving into the skills, it helps to know DBT treats emotions as normal – even the painful ones. The goal is to reduce suffering by (1) understanding what’s happening inside you, (2) lowering the stressors that make emotions feel unmanageable, and (3) practicing responses that work better rather than snapping, avoiding, or shutting down.The skills below are often taught in therapy and can also be practiced on your own in everyday situations.

Here are some of the most common DBT emotion regulation skills and how they can look in real life.

 

• Notice and name what you’re feeling: Pay attention to body signals (tight chest, racing thoughts), identify the emotion (sadness, fear, shame), and name the urge that comes with it (to avoid, to argue, to shut down). Naming it helps you pause before reacting.

 

• Remember emotions have a job: Emotions can give you information (something feels unfair), push you to act (protect yourself), and signal to others (you’re hurt or stressed). Treat them like messages to consider—not orders you must follow.

 

• Check the facts: Ask, “What do I know for sure, and what am I assuming?” If the feeling is based on guesses (e.g., mind-reading or worst-case thinking), your emotion may be understandable but larger than the situation calls for.

 

• Problem-solve when something can be changed: If your emotion fits the facts and there’s a real issue to address, define the problem, list a few options, pick one small next step, and see what happens. For example, you might ask for clarification, set a boundary, or make a plan.

 

• Try “opposite action” when the urge will make things worse: If an emotion doesn’t fit the facts—or if acting on it would be unhelpful—do the healthy opposite of the urge. For instance, if you want to avoid a safe situation because of anxiety, you practice gently approaching it.

 

• Build positive moments (and a meaningful life): Add small, enjoyable activities to your days (short term) and work toward values-based goals (long term). Over time, a fuller life can reduce how often painful emotions take over.

 

Imagine you’ve just picked up your phone and felt intense anger after receiving a short text reply from a friend. You might (1) name the emotion and urges (“anger; I want to send a harsh message”), (2) check the facts (the message is brief, but you don’t know the reason), and then (3) choose an effective response. If the anger doesn’t fit the facts, opposite action could mean pausing, speaking kindly, or asking a clarifying question. If the situation does fit the facts (e.g., a clear boundary was crossed), problem solving might involve planning a direct conversation or setting limits.

Emotional regulation in DBT isn’t about “getting rid of” feelings. It’s about understanding what your emotions are telling you and choosing actions that help you cope and communicate effectively. If you’re curious, try one skill this week – like checking the facts before you respond to a triggering text, or slowing down to name an emotion and the reactive urge that follows it. Over time, these small practices can help you feel steadier, even when life is stressful.

As a licensed professional counselor, Jody sees clients both virtually and in person at the Flourish Center. She uses a variety of modalities to help her clients in reaching their goals including Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Trauma-Informed Stabilization Treatment (TIST), and Internal Family Systems (IFS), Whatever modality is used, Jody values the uniqueness and strengths of each person and invites them to embrace healing wholistically. If you are interested in speaking with Jody, you can contact her through her website, Taking Root Counseling.